Two Kinds Of Catholics In This World

There's a standard liberal critique of the "There's Two Kinds of People In This World" Game that makes a very broad claim:

Human behavior is infinitely varied and even the most detailed classification systems fall apart at the level of the individual. Anything that treats people as categories and not individuals is pure prejudice.

This is as dumb as anything that comes out of the right wing fringe these days. Does that mean we are as bad as they are? No.

Human beings are born with an unconscious problem solving capacity that, as a matter of biological necessity, assumes something close to the exact opposite of the the liberal claim above. People in the thrall of this Oakland-style liberalism can say whatever silly things they want, but their behavior (and voting) will always bear out the truth that "custom and habit are the great guides to life." One of the most important habits hardwired into human nature is the ability to generalize particulars into abstract categories and to use those categories to navigate the world. 

The joy of that successful navigation is what makes the "Two Kinds Of People" Game so much fun.  Like "Hide and Seek" or "Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon", "Two Kinds of People" is a folk game based on simplified survival skills.

So let's recapture a little childhood joy and play "Two Kinds Of People" with Catholics.

There's two kind of Catholics in this country: Scalia/O'Reilly Catholics and Colbert/Jesuit Catholics. 

Scalia/O'Reilly Catholics

Here are the Scalia Catholics, straight from the horse's mouth in a Q and A with New York Magazine:

The one thing I did think, as he said those somewhat welcoming things to gay men and women, is, Huh, this really does show how much our world has changed. I was wondering what kind of personal exposure you might have had to this sea change.
I have friends that I know, or very much suspect, are homosexual. Everybody does.
Have any of them come out to you?
No. No. Not that I know of.
Has your personal attitude softened some?
Toward what?
Homosexuality. 
I don’t think I’ve softened. I don’t know what you mean by softened.
If you talk to your grandchildren, they have different opinions from you about this, right?
I don’t know about my grandchildren. I know about my children. I don’t think they and I differ very much. But I’m not a hater of homosexuals at all.

Colbert/Jesuit Catholics

Then there's the other kind of Catholics. Here's Colbert, demonstrating the difference