Trump-Russia Is Not Complicated (Exended)

1. Donald Trump is a venal little man who only eats meat and potatoes,  
2. Donald Trump is afraid of germs and doesn’t like to sleep in unfamiliar beds, 
3. Donald Trump made one good real estate deal in his life: he successfully developed Trump Tower and has been making income ever since in the form of rents, 
4. Trump has poured that income into other investments that have all gone belly up, 
5. At the end of the day, Trump has always been ok because he eats and sleeps at Trump Tower and pays his children a salary. He needs no actual income, 
6. To keep this machine in motion he needed some loans after US banks were done with him, 
7. Even Swiss and German banks, who still have Nazi money, didn’t want Trump’s business, as is, but... 
8. They would lend him some money if he could just make a few more advance sales of condos in the new building he was putting up in Florida, 
9. And the Swiss and German bankers happened to know some Russians in need of Florida sunshine,
10. These Russians bought condos and Trump got a loan from German and Swiss bankers,
11. These Russians then rented out these condos to various Cypriot businesses who pay healthy amounts of rent every month from their Delaware Dry Cleaning, LLC, 
12. The only embarrassing thing for Trump is that he is still just breaking even, he has no actual income whatsoever, 
13. He eats Trump steaks, he drinks Trump water, and he sleeps in Trump beds. When he has to pay actual money for food, he doesn’t have any so he buys McDonalds,
14. He tells people that it’s his fear of poison, but it’s because he’s poor, 
15. He can’t release his tax returns because it would reveal his real wealth and income, 
16. His father never loved him, but his Russian friends tell him he is great, 
17. His Russian friends hear him talking about Putin one day and they say, “Putin thinks you’re a great person!” 
18. ”Could you get me his autograph?” 
19. ”Sure!” 
20. ”What do you want, Ivanka?” 
21. ”Jared bought a building and we can’t afford to eat.” 
22. ”Uhhhhhhh... Eat at Trump Grill or...” 
23. Interrupting, “I know a guy who could help!” 
24. ”Ivanka, meet Ivan. Ivan, Ivanka. Please excuse me, I need to go yell at the TV about Obama’s birth certificate.” 
25. Jared, Jr., and Eric have kept the Kushner and Trump businesses going with all sorts of shady schemes and loans involving Russian money, shell corporations, banks, Paul Manafort and Michael Flynn.
26. If you are trying to make a complicated scheme work, you would never involve Donald J. Trump. Everyone around him knows this, 
27. If you are trying to keep a borderline illegal scheme secret, you would never mention anything about it to Donald J. Trump. Everyone around him knows this, 
28. When disaster struck and Trump won the election, Kushner pushed to keep these folks happy and in the fold because he doesn’t want to go to prison, 
29. When Kushner really needs something, he sends Ivanka to Trump, the man himself never asks any questions, 
30.  “The Wall” has scared off all Trump’s business. If the Secret Service stopped staying at Mar A Lago, he couldn’t pay the property taxes. 

That’s all there is. He has no money. His children are screwed. He knows nothing about any crimes. 

[Updated extensively 2/7/18 10:50am.]